Looking at my blog stats over a period of several months and even years, I realize that the post that has brought people to my blog more than any other is the one about House Finches.  I don’t think that it was such a wonderfully-written post in as much as Google picked up on it and apparently people are really interested in finding out about house finches.

Regarding the quality of my writing, I continually am complimented by acquaintances and a few friends.  I view my writing almost like I view myself.  I do not have a very high view of it or myself.  As I search inwardly and outwardly to determine a cause or reason for this self-doubt (for lack of a better term to describe it at the moment), I am somewhat amazed to discover that part of it may be due to not ever having been myself.  This may seem strange to some, but please try to understand what I’m trying to say.

Note:  I will be using ‘he’ and ‘himself’ so that I won’t constantly be having to put the / symbol to include both genders such as he/she.

Think about a recent high school graduate who goes from living at home straight to living in a college dormitory.  There are some new-found freedoms in making that move.  However, the person is still considered so-and-so’s child and possibly so-and-so’s grandchild or sibling or [fill in the blank].  Does this person have his own identity yet?  Most likely not.  As this person progresses through college, he makes new friends and starts to develop a broader understanding of life.  This person still goes home for holidays and summer breaks.  During those times, the ‘child’ is often at a loss as to how to reach out to others at home because now the child is no longer completely under the same guidelines as he once was.  (Note to reader:  Are you with me so far?)  Let’s say that at one point, this ‘child’ considers that college may not be for him but feels pressure from peers, family, and even self to ‘press on.’  Was that ‘consideration’ something that was far too easily pushed aside?  Could that have been some form of him trying to figure out ‘self’?

Fast forward to college graduation and the summer right after…  this ‘child’ gets married and starts a new chapter in his life.  Wow!  Now, this ‘child’ is suddenly an adult?!  Or… did that happen one night in the middle of his junior year in college when his 21st birthday rolled around?  So… what is this person’s identity now?  Simply a spouse?  No, he is still a child, grandchild, sibling, but has also added ‘spouse’ to the mixture.  What about ‘self’?  Who is he?  Deep down inside, has he taken the time to truly realize who he is?

Moving forward even more, this ‘child’ one day becomes a parent… adding yet another label.  What about ‘person’?  Has this child/grandchild/sibling/spouse/parent ever considered himself a person?  If so, what kind of person?

Now that I’m divorced and have been on my own for real (as if I never was before), I have come to realize that I really do not fully know who I am… due in part to me not ever allowing myself to be me, to discover who I am.  Being thrown into the dating world simply because I am technically single has caused me to pose strange questions of myself…  like, “what do you like to do?”  I honestly have no idea what I like to do.  Okay, I suppose that’s not entirely true.  But it feels as though I have no idea because I’ve never given it much sincere thought.  I’ve simply gone from being a ‘child’ to being a ‘spouse’ to being ‘alone.’  And, I have very little idea of who I am.  I am slowly learning who I am … who I am in Christ is most important, many would say.  But even that is not something that is easily explained.

As a follower of Christ, I do not group myself with most Christians… meaning this:  I do not automatically agree with everything that every “Christian” says or believes.  I think I used to think that I did.  I think I used to assume that if a Christian believed something, then it must be right.  (1 Thessalonians 5:21 says otherwise.)

Somehow, I know that I am not alone.  I am not the only person who has ever faced this kind of self-analytical pondering.  I am sure there are many people younger and older than myself who feel they never psychoanalyzed themselves as much as I have.  Likewise, I’m sure there are many who can relate to this self-analysis.  Even that alone is something to ponder.  Why do some people do that and others seemingly see it as silliness or childishness or unnecessary or… [fill in the blank]?

As a side note… to me, it’s interesting that I would write something like this so soon after Robin Williams died.  I think that he was probably one of the ones who thought about these things.

Amazing Perspective

March 22, 2014

The place where I live is indescribable.  God truly has amazing creativity and imagination.  I’ve been here in American Samoa for over six months, and I never tire of seeing the ocean.

 

We’ve had Spring Break this week which seems somewhat comical considering that it’s rarely spring-like weather here.  I joke that I’m still waiting for August to end, and I arrived here on the 6th of September. ha!  Despite the VERY warm weather, there have been plenty of times when I’ve seen Samoans wearing sweaters, hoodies, and even an occasional winter coat.  (If only I had had my camera ready for the little girl I saw wearing it.)  Their bodies are so accustomed to the temperature remaining at about 85 degrees Fahrenheit that even 79 degrees feels cool.

That reminds me of another small “difference” here that seems to be a HUGE difference.  The speed limit is 25 mph in most places on this island.  Once, while riding somewhere with some of the others who also come from “the mainland”, it felt like we were going faster than normal.  I looked, and we were going 30 mph.  In the States, we do not normally notice the subtle difference between 25 and 30.  Here, it was almost like night and day.

Perspective plays a big role in things, much more than we realize.  Living where there are no stoplights, no streets with more than one lane headed in each direction, no mailboxes, no mailmen, no UPS or FedEX, no WalMart, and yet there are two 24 hour McDonalds… brings a whole new meaning to perspective.  And, that’s not even mentioning the night sky (with a whole new set of stars to gaze upon) or the bright sun or the roosters that crow at 11:30 p.m. and 11:30 a.m. or the dogs that roam free or the lack of horses, cows, squirrels, blue jays, cardinals, and robins.

I could write so much more, and perhaps at some point I will.  A friend on Facebook recommends I do it now.  I’d like to take his advice.  I tend to be my own critic and (gasp!) worry that I’ll write the wrong thing or say too much or too little or …

Perspective.  How do you perceive the things around you?

Christmas Pondering

December 25, 2013

As I sit pondering last Christmas and how I loved being with my children on Christmas morning… seeing their eyes light

Christmas tree from 2012

up as they pulled things out of their stockings.  Watching as one daughter lined things up in an organized manner while the other simply relished in the moment, I thank God for this Christmas.  Even though I’m 6,000 miles away from my sweet daughters, I feel blessed.  This year I don’t have to tell my daughters good-bye as they leave to enjoy their time with their dad.  They don’t have to leave me or my house on Christmas Day.  And while that is a bit sad, it is also somehow comforting and indeed a blessing.

Moving to American Samoa

September 30, 2013

A little over three weeks ago, I made a HUGE change in my life.  I moved from Tennessee to American Samoa.

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I went from living in this house…

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…to looking at this about two miles from where I live.

I hope  to somehow find time to write about my adventures here.  I may start a separate blog just about my time here in American Samoa.   Please let me know what you think.

Saturday Sweeps

April 27, 2013

As usual, there are soooo many giveaways and soooo little time!

I mentioned in my last Saturday Sweeps that I won two different things from the same blog, The IE Mommy.  Both prizes have already arrived!  :)
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Here’s some of the most recent giveaways I’ve entered…

Two different blogs are giving away a $500 Visa gift card!!!

  • Mom to Bed By 8 – ends May 1 – click here to go enter!
  • Susan Heim on Parenting – ends May 1 – click here to go enter!

My Springfield Mommy has a few that end tomorrow (that I entered)…

  • The Big Wedding giveaway – Click here to go enter!
  • A Springfield Doll (with outfit) – Click here to go enter!
  • My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Princess Twilight Sparkle on DVD – click here to go enter!

Mom’s Own Words is also giving away The Big Wedding prize pack, but you have more time – ends May 8 – click here to go enter!

As They Grow Up is giving away This Is Our Time on DVD – ends May 4 – Click here to go enter!  Also, My Four Monkeys is giving it away – ends April 29 – Click here to go enter!

My Four Monkeys has a few other giveaways, too…

  • Ring the Bell DVD – ends April 29 – click here to go enter!
  • The Berenstain Bears and the Trouble With Things book – ends April 29 – click here to go enter!
  • Hermie and Friends DVD – ends May 6 – click here to go enter!

Don’t forget about this giveaway…

The Freebie Depot is giving away a $50 gift card to Olive Garden – ends May 4 – Click here to go enter!

Enter to Win clipart from Babble.com

This is me…

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after standing in the rain to get a rope and sign pulled across my driveway to keep whomever it is from waking me at 4 a.m.

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