November 24, 2012
I’ve known for a long time that I seek the approval of others. I’ve tried many things to avoid doing that… to stop doing that. But, so far, I’ve not been able to stop or avoid it. I’m a born again believer in Jesus Christ, and I do not (and did not) have to do ANYthing to earn His forgiveness. So, why do I struggle with this? Why have I struggled with this? Does it really matter why? I simply would be ECSTATIC if I could get ‘beyond’ this and no longer struggle with it. I imagine it has ‘fueled’ my depression because deep in my heart I know I can do nothing to gain anyone’s approval. And, deep in my heart, I know that I shouldn’t worry what others think.
However, even the word “should” is something that bothers me. It doesn’t matter if I change “should” to “need.” That bothers me, too. So, how does one overcome this? Is it through endless counseling sessions and/or medication? I’ve done all of that, and yet I still struggle. I don’t have the answers… other than the cliché of, “Let go, and let God.” That is so simplistic and yet seemingly impossible to do.