A Mere Reflection

So, earlier this morning, I tweeted about going to my counselor.  I’ve alluded to my depression on others’ blogs and maybe some on mine, too.

(Now, we take a break from our regularly scheduled blog post We interrupt this blog post to bring you this announcement…  The aforementioned blogger (me, myself, and I) has found two posts on her WP blog that mention her personal bout with depression.  You may find them… here and here.  Also, I mention my personal depression on my homeschool blog… here, here, and here.)  Similar to my “I’m not good with coming up with a title…” blog entry from yesterday, I’m not sure where this entry is going.  Please bear with me.  🙂

My counselor, with whom I’ve regularly met since January 2009, thinks that I should/could write a book.  She loves the way I write and thinks that I put just the right amount of humor into things… especially when I write in my journal.  So, I’m thinking… why can’t I share this with all two people who read my blog and see what they think?

Without further ado, here’s the specific journal entry (verbatim) that I read to my counselor today.  This is the one to which she replied, “You need to write a book.”  In all its glory (or lack thereof)…

Fri., Apr. 30, 2010 6ish p.m.

I know what’s wrong with me!  I’m a selfish, two-faced, ignorant fool!  (In other words, I’m human.)  Why can’t I accept myself for who I am??

WHY

I am so dang depressed!  It’s not even funny… it’s not even sad… it’s… well, it’s depressing!  I’m writing this thru clinched teeth.

God, You chose ME to be the mother of [insert 10 yo’s name] and [insert almost 8 yo’s name] — Please show me and help me to live “up” to that!

Re-reading his last msg to me makes me MADDER than… I don’t know what!  A bull in a pen full of conquistadors?  God — please help me to release my fears, my tension, my anxiety, my selfishness… my everything to You!  PLEASE

Well, there you have it.  You may be wondering, “wha…??”  This is my feeble attempt to be authentic (as Melissa recently blogged) and to explain part of why I felt compelled to tell you about Wendy’s latest blog post.

BTW, thanks to Ashlie/Kim aka Mommy Cosm for replying to my tweet about the counselor.  (I so resonate with the security aspect she mentions on her blog.  I, too, started out with a different “online” name — aka HSB Suzanne which I have yet to explain and which I mention in my about page.)  I think it’s interesting that one of Mommy Cosm’s recent blog posts sorta runs along the same lines as Melissa’s and Wendy’s… sorta.  😉

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