Seemingly endless frustration

I’m frustrated.

Frustrated with myself for…

being frustrated
thinking I can write as good as the best writer
thinking that I’m really not that good
thinking … period
wishing that life could be different
realizing that it can be different, if I make a change
not knowing how to make a change or even where to start
knowing how to make a change and how to start but being scared to death of it

knowing that God is with me and for me and that I can trust Him, but realizing that I must not be fully trusting Him because of how burdened down I seem

thinking
thinking so much that I don’t eat when I need to
being concerned that people who read this will think I’m a terrible writer
being concerned that people who read this will think I actually have something to say
being concerned what others think about me (After all, what difference does it make?)

Frustrated with and yet thankful for those who read my “Real Like the Velveteen Rabbit?” post from yesterday because…

one person commented on the actual post

a couple of people replied via email saying that I don’t need to ask people what to write about (duh, I know that!)

several people replied via text saying…

I follow your blog now; I subscribed
I never knew you wanted to be a writer?!
I knew you had a hidden talent somewhere
I want to go read that again sometime
I wish you the best in your endeavor
I love your picture!

I wasn’t seeking approval! Or, was I? (sigh)  <— Add this to my "frustrated with myself" list (above).

So many clichés about life are true and yet I wish they weren't.  I wish there was a way to 'break the cycle' in a sense.   I don't want to be like the next person.  I don't want to be famous.  I'm tired of taking baby steps like Bob.  I just wish I could express myself and have someone validate me.  And yet, when validation is received, then what?  What do I do with that?  Where do I go from there? What’s really the point of any of this?

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Real like the Velveteen Rabbit?

Does a blog that people will read and follow actually exist?  Can I create one, too?

I have a lot of online friends… both in the blogging world and on various chat sites.  The latter perhaps may be a shock to some of my blogging friends and perhaps to some of my “real” friends.  I put “real” in quotes because I believe all friends are real… regardless of whether you’ve ever met them or even ever spoken with them in “real” life (aka ‘in person’).  But in this instance (mentioning “real” friends), I am referring to the friends I actually have met in person.  Confused? Good!  So am I!  ha!

I’m throwing this out there to see what people will think.  I love to write.  I’ve been told by several people that I’m a good writer.  (I could devote a whole blog JUST to that.  No, not a whole blogpost but a whole blog!  In other words, a blog about what a good writer is, does, thinks, etc.)  I would LOVE to be able to write “for profit.”  And no, I’m not interested in being a millionaire or even a thousandaire (if there was such a thing).  But, I am passionate about writing and wish that it indeed could be my sole income source.  Alas, I’m currently “just” a day care teacher.  I have nothing against being a day care teacher, per se.  I just know that it doesn’t stretch or even use all of my intelligence, and therefore, my brain is still telling me, “There’s got to be more!”  (I could devote a whole blog just to how a day care teacher could possibly expand his/her ‘ideals’ simply by studying the children he/she cares for. (I keep caveating in my head about this.  Even ending that sentence with a preposition is something I could caveat about.  Ugh!  There I go again!))

So what’s my point?  I want to write.  I want to be paid to write even if that means that I’m being paid by companies/businesses that would advertise on my blog.  I think my blog should have a creative name beyond Anita’s Antics, though, because my life is certainly about more than just my antics.  I’m considering making it an anonymous blog because I know that I’ll (most likely) be more willing to write about things that some of the people who REALLY know me would consider VERY shocking. And, I’ll probably have a bigger following if I’m able to write about those things because those things even shock me!

If you (the reader of this post) have ANY ideas about what I might call a blog like that, please let me know.  Also, if there’s a topic you’d like me to blog, please let me know.  I’d be willing to blog about just about anything.  No, not “just about”… I will (if given the proper ‘stage’) write about anything.

Oh, and by the way, this is me.  Or at least a picture of what I looked like this past Sunday.  I may never be this “real” again. 😉

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Yes, I’m still alive.

Sorry it’s been forever since I blogged.  I’ve had a lot going on in my ‘off-line’ world.  🙂

First  off, I want to say thank you to all of you who entered my first ever giveaway!  I was so excited to finally host a giveaway but was a little nervous that not very many people would enter.  However, quite a few people entered.  So again, thank you.  (And, congratulations to the winners!)  I hope to soon have my next giveaway ready… featuring JumpStart.  So, be on the lookout for it!

Secondly, my sister and her family came for visit, so it was fun for all five girls (the two of mine and the three of hers) to get together and enjoy some cousin time!  They range in age from 23 months to 10 years, so you can imagine the giggles.  🙂

Finally (at least, for now), I’m on the job hunt.  People ask me what my skills are and what background I have.  What does a former homeschool mom and stay-at-home mom say?!  Yes, I’ve read those ‘mom resume’ emails, but seriously… I don’t know how to ‘sell’ myself.  Any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated!

Thanks, friends!  And, I’ll try not to wait so long in between blog posts next time.

Friends are Forever

I’m nearly in tears thinking about my sweet online friendships that have developed and are still developing even as I type.  Here are just a few of the friends I’ve made in the five years that I’ve been blogging…  (in random order, unless I ever get the urge, umption, gumption, and time to organize them I have them alphabetized by first names and categorized… sort of.)

Okay, there are a few (a very few) whom I’ve met IRL (in real life, for those of us still learning our anagrams).  (Most of these, I met at the Bloggers’ Picnic.)  They are:

(There are a few others whom I met at the picnic, but these are the ones whose blogs I frequented most.)

Here are some of the blogger-friends I “met” primarily because we were homeschooling…

The ones shown in light blue (above), I still keep up with fairly regularly.

Blogger-friends I’ve “met” along the way and since we stopped homeschooling…

Thank you, friends! 🙂

This blog entry was inspired (mainly) by Shannon’s post, “P & G Thank You Moms.”  I have no affiliation with P & G except that I do use some of their products.  I was given no compensation for this post except the “warm fuzzy” feelings of friendship!
Graphics in this post are courtesy of Cute Colors.  Please do not snag them, hyperlink to them, or in any other way claim them as your own.

A Little Blog-Hopping

I clicked on two blogs that caught my attention as I was logging into WordPress.  I’ve not looked around them much yet, but you may wanna check them out.  Interesting reads…

  • Gary Simmons of Gartalker’s Blog blogged about Words that are Going Extinct.  (I didn’t know “supper” was becoming extinct.  I thought I just didn’t hear it because I live in a different part of the country than I did a few years ago.)
  • Shallots Web (what a fun play on Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White!) blogged about Shrimp n’ Grits.  (Talk about a southern, cajun-sounding food!  I’ve never heard of this much less thought of it.)

Well, if you check out these blogs, please come back here and share your thoughts!

Wishing for insight…

I want so much to be a better writer and to blog more regularly about something besides giveaways.  I think many of you who happen to read my blog would probably appreciate it if I blogged about something besides giveaways.  In the past when I blogged more regularly on my homeschool blog, I seemed to come up with more things about which to write.   Has the on-set of Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Technorati and so many other social networking and “fidgeting” sites caused all of us to neglect blogging?  Somehow, I don’t think so.  I still read plenty of well-thought-out and well-written blog entries… just not on my blog. 

There have been a few times when I’ve blogged about “blogging.”  For instance when I started blogging more regularly over here (at Anita’s Antics),  I posted an entry (on my hs blog) called, “Blogging Confusion.”  And, about a month after that, I apologized to my homeschool bloggy friends with “Neglected?”  Then, of course, there’s my infamous not so famous “Too Many Blogs” entry which produced a whopping one comment (thank you, Sandpiper!).  Also, I received several comments on my “To Blog Or Not To Blog” post on my hs blog… but only after I bribed, begged,  asked.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think it’s pretty lame when one has to resort to begging pleading to get comments.  And, I wish that I was a better writer so that I didn’t have to resort to begging such methods.  Also, I wish I didn’t have to do “memes” to try and “drum up” comments either.  (A “meme” is… oh, I need to find the post where I explain my understanding of memes.  After searching through my “Tags and Memes” category on my hs blog, I didn’t find where I explained them.  So, I guess I never blogged about that.)  One thing I’ve found that sometimes helps me get more comments, and that is… leaving comments for others.  Wha…?  Are you shocked?  😉  Unfortunately, it seems I must leave BEAUCOUPS of comments just to get one or two in return.  But, I digress.

BTW:  In case anyone is interested, I added something to my “About Me” page.